Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Wrong Thinking and Isolation

I have been going to a small group at my church called Mending Hearts for almost 24 weeks now. This group is for victims of abuse, to help them heal their hurts and become aware of how our past affects our present so that we can make the necessary changes.

It has often correlated with my journey towards healthy eating, and I've also seen how my time involved with Heidi Diaz correlates with abuse.

This morning, in my readings I was struck by a few things. I don't think I can explain them any better than what is written in my workbook so I will simply post what it says. (My workbook is based on the book called The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender)

Satan loves to isolate people. Getting you alone working on your issues is
exactly where he wants you. No doubt the betrayal of trust in your story
it far to easy to go it alone. But you cannot recover in
. Just as people played a part in the damage done to you,
people will need to play a part in the healing process. But this time it
needs to be done with safe people you can trust. Together, you provide a
sanctuary for recovery and are a formidable force in advancing the purposes
of God's Kingdom. Because of this you will experience intense resistance
from the enemy anytime you attempt to band together to take back territory
that does not belong to him.

Doesn't this sound familiar???? How often have we heard stories of Heidi working overtime in an attempt to isolate us from each other? How often do we see her attempting to "divide and conquer"? Even from inside Kimkins, she used isolation as her first weapon. But we, who can see this happening, are doing what ever it takes to expose her for what she is and set others free from the bondage they are blindly allowing to control them. (more from my book:)

Praise God, the evil one has overplayed his hand. His tactics are being
exposed by the Light. We have seen his plan and we believe God is in the
business of righting the wrong. You are in the process of being set free as you
speak out, expose evil and give opportunity for others to come out of the
darkness into light.

Heidi- I am not saying you are "the evil one". I am simply calling you out on being USED by Him to hurt and hinder others. I know that you are just one of his pawns, and I will not sit idly by and let you play a part in his game without shining light on you. You are in the spotlight Heidi Diaz, and you are on the wrong stage!!!

Now... as I read on in my workbook I was really impressed by a letter written by Victor Matthews to "All who suffer from wrong thinking". His letter speaks to all of us who simply struggle with our weight. I believe we struggle for deeper reasons than carb and calorie counts. Here is his letter. I hope it resonates within you as much as it has for me. He speaks to believers...(if you are not a believer, and wish to become one after reading this, please feel free to contact me)

I am writing this letter to you because I want you to be free from the error
you have accepted about yourself. I know from experience how painful it is to
live that way, how self-defeating it is, how weak we are as we struggle to live
the way we know we should, and how unfulfilled and lonely a life it is.

For some time, I wanted to give you some suggestions regarding your inner
evaluation of yourself. As we talk together, I continually gain the impression
that you have a tendency not to accept fully what God says about you. When we do
that, and I'm not only talking now from the viewpoint of the Bible, but my own
sad experience- we grieve the Holy Spirit of Truth and develop a way of thinking
that will produce failure in some important areas of life. When we accept error
about ourselves, we then develop a concept of self that we cannot but fail to
produce by how we live. It is an inexorable principle: what we believe about ourselves is like a prophecy that we are destined to fulfill!

While I am not completely out of the woods yet, I know the way out. I wish I
could say it is quick and easy, but it is not. When we have accepted error about
ourselves, that acceptance develops into habitual way of looking at ourselves
and then a habitual way of living. Error is so powerful it eventually causes us
to interpret almost everything in its light- instead of in the light of truth!
The result is a form of slavery of the cruelest type.

Our only hope of deliverance is found in the One Who is the Truth- because of
the Fall, our depravity, the continual pressure of the world system, and in
particular, the subtle work of Satan- the Truth is more powerful because it is
of God and it is His promise to work with us and to lead us into the knowledge
and practice of His truth and its freedom.

However, there is no hope of deliverance if we continue to believe error and
to practice it in how we think about ourselves and then in how we live.

I cannot escape the conviction that you have been taught error about
yourself over a long period of time. And I believe the ultimate source of that
teaching is none other than the father of lies (John 8:44) who seeks to deceive
and therefore accuse you (Revelation 12:9-10) so you will not believe the truth
and escape from his slavery. He enjoys our pain and the agony his error

Where we have to begin is where God starts with us- the new birth. It is
vitally important to understand what happened to us then. A good passage to
consider is found in 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11. "Do you not know that the wicked
will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually
immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual
offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers
will inherit the Kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were
washed, you were sanctified, you were justified (declared righteous) in the name
of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. "

These verses tell us that every believer has had a radical and revolutionary inner
spiritual transformation. No matter how sinful we were before the new birth- we
are now washed, sanctified and justified and therefore the inheritors of the
kingdom of God. We may not feel that we are- or think that we are- and we may not live that way (due to acts of failure) but that is what we are by the grace of God in the new birth.

It is at this point that the error you have received with its resultant
deception will put pressure upon you, and perhaps even cause the enemy to work
on you! You will have a tendency to dilute the truth of the former passage by
appealing to your thoughts and feelings about yourself or to some area of your
life where you have failed or are now failing. Such thoughts, feelings, and
failures do not mean we are not born again nor do they mean we are not washed,
sanctified, and justified. In fact, God has warned us that we will have such
problems while this side of heaven. He has clearly stated, "If we say that we
have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us... If we say that
we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His Word is not in us (I John 1:

It has helped me to realize that we seem to have two levels of thinking going
on at the same time. The first level would be that thinking that you are using as
you are reading these lines. The second level is how you are evaluating, mostly
in a negative way, what you are reading. You may be saying to yourself, "Why did
he say that?" or "I wish that could be true about me, " or even worse you may be
thinking, "I don't think there is a way out" (It may help you to read the book
by David Burns, Feeling Good, or one by Aaron Beck called Cognitive Therapy)

So please monitor your thinking and learn to "catch yourself" doing negative
thinking. Most of the time that second level of thinking - that we are barely
aware of- will be negative and will weaken and even ruin the truth that you are
trying to accept and practice.

To reject error we must identify it by evaluating it from the perspective of the Bible and then correct it. The pattern has been given to us by the Lord Jesus in His
temptation. When the tempter, deceiver, accuser and liar said to him, "if you
are the son of God, make these stones turn into bread" what the Savior did was
what we must do. He refused to accept the thought (error). He did not even say
to Himself, "I wonder if I'm the Son of God?" or "If I'm the Son of God why am I
hungry when my Father has promised to supply my need?" or "Maybe I ought to turn those stones into bread and then I'll know for sure I'm the Son of God," or "How
is it possible I"m the Son of God, for the Devil to talk to me?" or "What's
wrong with me, here I am 30 years old and have no following yet?" The Lord Jesus
rejected and corrected the error by and with the truth. He said, "Man shall not
live by bread alone but by every word that proceeded out of the mouth of God. "

It is this painful process of correcting your thinking about yourself that I am recommending to you. The enemy has a very subtle way of teaching us and backing up his teaching by pointing out our failures as well as causing
emotional and even physical support for his work.

Allow me to share a list of a few things that God states about you:

- You are holy and without blame before God- Eph. 1:4

- You have been chosen by God for adoption- Eph 1: 5

- You have been completely forgiven by God- Eph. 1: 7

- You have been sealed with and by the Holy Spirit- Eph. 1: 13

- You are God's inheritance- valuable to Him- Eph. 1: 18

When one is accustomed to negative thinking, one will read the above
statements and immediately weaken them on the basis of some question, some
emotions, or in the light of some past or present failure. A common question
would be, "If that is true, then why...?"

You are a believer; you have been spiritually cleansed- washed- purified, you
are holy and pure; you have been adopted by God; He loves you and likes you: you
are the temple of the Holy Spirit; you have in your life the power of the
Crucifixion, Resurrection, Ascension and the Day of Pentecost; you have been
given gifts and invited to enter in and to participate in the greatest plan ever
devised- to live for the glory of the Lord Jesus; and the list goes on and on.
You must learn to struggle and to live in harmony with what and who you really

Please see your negative thinking about yourself as the sin that it really
is. Ask God to forgive and cleanse you. Surrender yourself to Him and ask Him to
teach you how to accept and live out the truth.

Can you apply any of this to how you feel about yourself, to why you feel compelled to constantly diet, to why you get so miserable when you "fail"? Can you take the risk of denying the lies that you believe about yourself and grasp hold of the truth of God's love for you? Perhaps being made aware of our "wrong thinking" we can then follow Christ's example and correct those errors with truth. The truth is that we are beautiful creations of God, the truth is we don't need Kimmer's approval or support, and the truth is, we don't need to deny ourselves food any more than we don't need to overindulge on junk food.

I honestly believe that recognizing evil for evil and good for good is the only way to go. I now see where Satan has lied to me in my own head... and through the control of others.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Not everyone knows the truth yet....

While I was on spring break many of you know that an Insider Exclusive Report came out explaining and updating information on the lawsuit against Kimkins and Heidi Diaz. It is the most comprehensive news program I've seen done so far. You can watch it here:

But, also while I was on spring break I got in touch with an old friend from Kimkins and discovered something to be true that I have wondered about for awhile. She didn't know about the extent of the fraud or the psychological games that have been discussed so much in our blogs and on LCF, ALC, and many other message boards. I think those of us that keep up to date on things, sometime forget that there is a LARGE population of people who DON'T read these blogs or these other message boards. They ONLY read what goes on inside their challenges or journals. They may have "heard" about the controversy, and seen Heidi's "apology"... but they don't know that her apology was still full of lies, and they simply think she already made up for her "little mistake"... because that's how she makes it seem.

I realized after talking with my friend, that perhaps I have not yet done enough to get the word out about "the whole truth". And I intend to do my own "summary" of eye opening things here today. And with this post, I hope to remind all of those who are already "in the know" that communication and compassion for those left behind is much more important than protecting our own hearts from possible rejection or acting as if anyone still there is just niave or hopeless.

So, the truths I want to point out today are:

1. Heidi Diaz NEVER lost weight using her program or any program. There are NO photos of her smaller than she is now.

2. Heidi Diaz committed fraud when she STOLE multiple photos off the internet to use as "before's and after's" on her testimonial pages.

3. Heidi Diaz wrote fake and false testimonials about her diet.. and even gave herself "praises" in the midst of them.

4. Christin and I were some of her first REAL "success stories", which means we were actually her test subjects.. who did her plan under her directions without knowing that a)she hadn't done it or maintained it b)all the other "success stories" were faked c)the plan was nutritionally deficient d)there was no way to maintain the losses without resorting to continued anorexia.

5. Heidi Diaz is not only a pathological liar, she is also similar to a narcissistic psychotic abuser. (Google it to see the characteristics!)

6. Heidi Diaz often pits people against each other by talking sweetly to you and then telling you "secrets" about others to make them look bad. She loves the Us vs. Them mentality. She is a master at boosting your ego and then making you feel superior to others, hoping that it will keep you separated from others enough to prevent you from learning the truth. She used to have Becky (littlebit) as her confidant. And she had Christin as her confidant. She would lie to each of them about the other, but always sounded so believable and so sweet and you wouldn't realize what was happening until it was too late. After we left, she took Jeannie (tippytoes) as her new best friend. She told Jeannie that Christin and I were the enemy. She told Jeannie that Christin and I were the ones who were lying, and even had Jeannie convinced that we were mean and might hurt her while in NY. She planted fear of us, in hopes that Jeannie would stay away from us, because she knew that once we got together she would then know who was lying and who was not. Jeannie told me that as soon as she sat next to me on that stage on the Morning Show... she saw me smile at her and knew in her heart that Heidi was the liar, and I wasn't capable of being the monster Heidi made me out to be. AFter Jeannie discovered the truth and left, Heidi took on Amyb as her knew best friend. Read Amyb's revelation of the truth between her and Heidi. It shows how twisted and sick Heidi can really be. The list still continues on and on.. but I'm not at liberty to go on with more names at this time.

7. Heidi often uses fake names around on other boards (and inside Kimkins). Becky has proof of the ones inside Kimkins. Others have proof of the ones found around the web. Heidi even uses some of those "fake" personas to purposely hurt people. She created a blog at one point last year to spew ugly lies about me and Christin. She stole our photographs from our trip in NY and put them up with stories about us being lesbians. (Totally false!!!) She likes to try to hurt us emotionally when she realizes how far out of her grasp we now are. To be honest.. I laughed when I saw the blog... because it was so far fetched and such an obvious attempt to distract and hurt us. I have received emails, PM's, and blog comments from her under various names and even without silly disguises that are sick little jabs at my soul. She loves to pick at my faith, and attempt to either use it against me, or persecute me for it. She knows what hurts me from reading my journals and blog posts and uses that knowledge on purpose just to get at me. (But, it doesn't work anymore, because I see her for what she really is now)

8. Heidi Diaz is NOT a foster parent. She still talks about her "kids" and court dates etc... and they are all LIES. She does NOT have foster kids.. she is NOT a CASA... this is all in her mind... and when you read her posts about them even today, you are being fooled. She had her foster kids taken away from her 5 years ago because she LET them drink alcohol underage. Don't fall for this one! It's just more proof at how she is NOT the person you think she is.

9. The plan as written is nutritionally deficient and has caused her "test subjects" (me and Christin and many others) many health problems. These health problems did NOT SHOW UP in obvious ways until we had been on the plan for many months. Dizzy spells, vertigo, hair loss (in large quantites, not just a brush full), heart palpitations, low pulse rates, metabolism problems, feeling cold all the time, insomnia, exhaustion, BM problems, menstrual cycle disruptions and irregularities. Some of these symptoms did show up early on, but they are nonchalantly dismissed as "normal" while on the plan.

10. Anorexia is developed while eating the Kimkins plan. This is not something anyone ever wants to actually admit. But it's true. You don't have to be under 100 lbs to be an anorexic. Anorexia is a psychological disorder. Dr. Melissa Conrad Stoppler wrote:

Anorexia is a condition that goes beyond out-of-control dieting. A person with anorexia initially begins dieting to lose weight. Over time, the weight loss becomes a sign of mastery and control. The drive to become thinner is actually secondary to concerns about control and/or fears relating to one's body. The individual continues the endless cycle of restrictive eating often to a point close to starvation in order to feel a sense of control over the body. This cycle becomes an obsession and is similar to any type of drug or substance addiction

Many times we do not "diagnose" someone as anorexic until they are way below the healthy weight range. But, at this point, it is already too late to deal with it without medical intervention. Reading the signs and symptoms of anorexia you will find that many of the kimkins dieters display most of these signs. Don't discount the possiblility that you might be an anorexic just because you are still overweight. Others signs include: irritablity, easily upset, easily defensive, disrupted sleep patterns, daytime fatigue, a decrease in attention and concentration, obsessive thinking about food and or calories/carb counts, anxiety disorders, overly compliant, compuliveness, depression, slow heart rate, low blood pressure, irregular heart patterns, constipation, menstural cycle disturbance, hormonal imbalances, loss of bone density, potasium defincency, eloctrolyte imbalances, anemia, dry skin, brittle nails, loss of hair.... do any of these sound familiar???? They did to me, and I never even got to goal.

11. Maintenance isn't something Heidi can promise you. She often told me things like "you can have those potatoes again someday... it's only temporary!". And that gave me hope that I wouldn't always have to eat so little. But, I'm here to tell you all honestly that after doing Kimkins... I have gained half of my weight back. I regained about 20 pounds while still dieting... 1200 calories a day approx. 30 carbs a day. I then gave up and stopped counting things and have put on another 10. The Kimkins diet has ruined my chances of ever maintaining a loss or losing again anytime soon. My body is so deeply injured by the starvation mode (you know the thing Heidi told us doesn't exist??) that I no longer have any hopes of getting off the yo-yo diet train. That is one thing that really hurts. Heidi was really good at giving me hope that I could lose the weight and keep it off (just like her!) but it was all lies. Don't be fooled by her lies, this diet is setting you up for regain moreso than any other diet you've ever been on. The longer you are on it... the more painful the regain will be. The longer you are on it, the stronger the fear hold on you will be, and the more likely you will be to fully develop anorexia.

These are just some of the things I told my friend about just last week. I really thought she knew about them all, because I've been faced with all this since last August. And as painful and as shocking as it was for me to discover back then, she experienced the same pain and disbelief just now. The pain is still fresh for her and will be for many others as well. I am so glad that she now knows the truth and has left kimkins, but my heart aches that she had to learn of it in the first place. I cannot give up in the fight against kimkins.

I have a list of old KK screennames, people that once posted in my journals. I am now calling out to all of you, perhaps you too have been unaware of the truth. Please comment and let me know how you are doing, and whether or not this post comes as news to you or not. I know some of you have already left... but I haven't heard from you in awhile, so I've added your names too. :)

Do you know the truth yet? how are you?
Freetoshake, kickingbutt, 2true, cdgreg1, Auchem Hottie, cynful, msdeevee, sochic83, Alli-Cat, LessofMe, Ready2lose, LWWillLose, Vanillasky, Juliawilllose, bubbles4u, starrburst26, suzy, tresninas, saf72, krhudson1, lilthorner, shezza, ddbythesea, swatkins, LACali21, shawwife, nikki_d, bec913, lameke, oceans, jenabug, nomorefattness, baileyjadip, tinkerbell68, hilary244, shan, odette, pottsy29, ebanks, musicjen, binnyblack, msdee56, emilykate, odirish, kristyleeb123, beyondthesea7, shiphips, Momof8wifeof1, Sher, Songbird, Krysti
Please comment!

ETA: If you are afraid to comment for fear of Kimmer retaliation, feel free to email me! deni@memoriescaptured.com I've already heard from one of you this way! I really appreciate hearing from you, and completely understand the situation and fear that comes from inside. It's really just more proof to me at how messed up this whole thing is. If you're afraid Heidi will ban you for commenting here, or harrass you for having read this blog... please think long and hard about what that truly tells you about the relationships within Kimkins!