Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Growing in Prayer….

In the past few years, my prayer life has grown in ways that are hard to explain. I used to think that prayer was what you did when things were either going bad, or you wanted to "make a deal" with God and bargain for a better life. I used to think that prayer was kind of like a mixture of an obligation and a wish list.

And I was bored with praying, and didn't really believe that it was working.

My Dad and stepmom Maritza introduced me to a book called How to Hear God's Voice by Mark Virkler, and I was thrilled to learn that praying isn't just a one way street. Praying goes both ways... and it is the way to really KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that my relationship with Christ is RELATIONAL!

I don't know how to explain everything that Mark Virkler explains in his book, but I recommend it highly… and I recommend it to be read with an open mind, and with the Bible by your side to "test it" so that you will not give into the fears that the enemy will plant in your mind that this type of praying might be "new agey".

I know that I often don't share with people about my "relationship" with God because they might think I'm weird or crazy or making it up… but my relationship is more than just words. My relationship with God also involves seeing Him in my mind, and hearing what He has to say and seeing what He wants to show me.

Fear of what others think is what often keeps me from my "quiet times", and it most definitely keeps me from sharing what I've learned in my "quiet times".

Fear comes from Satan…. NOT GOD. So, today I want to turn my back on that fear, and plunge ahead boldly by posting what I experienced in my quiet time this morning.

From my prayer journal this morning:

Jesus- take me away to where I can see you and love you and worship at your feet. I want to dance with you and rest with you and learn from you…

(Behind my closed eyes, I picture myself in a beautiful garden, near a creek in the woods where I often "sit with Jesus"… this is where I "go" to "BE STILL" so I can hear in my soul what the Lord wants to tell me.)

My field of flowers has turned into a field of golden wheat. Fully grown, fully mature, blowing casually, beautifully in the wind. Jesus walks through the field of wheat. It goes on as far as the eye can see. He stops in the middle and bends down to pick up one particular piece. He rubs his hands through it and shows it to me and tells me to touch it. It is soft and smooth and yet the edge is sharp like a razor. We grab hold of it together and pull it out.

Where the root should be is instead a white bulb- almost cocoon like- silky, yet like glass. I can't tell what's inside, but I just know it's going to be wonderful!

I start to wonder about all the other pieces of wheat. I want to run around pulling them all up!

But Jesus is still. He's taking his time with just this one. So, I wait with him.

Now we sit together- all I can see is wheat and sky, and my sweet friend and teacher holding out the "wheat bulb" that we pulled. He breathes on it and I can feel the warmth of his breath relax me. The bulb begins to clear.

"What is it Lord? What's inside of it? I'm not worthy to see what you are about to reveal to me"

He breathes on it again and the wind around us moves with him. I start to realize that the wind always came with his breaths.

He takes my hands and helps me hold the "wheat bulb". It's getting warm and clearer and there is a sparkle in Jesus' eye. The bulb begins to shine and as I look deeper into it and continue to feel the breath of Jesus I begin to see that I am what's inside.

I am so beautiful and confident and powerful inside this "wheat bulb". I know that I was created by my Savior and lovingly handpicked, chosen and warmed personally by Him. He patiently worked on me, and my face (inside the "wheat bulb") shines- I look at Jesus, and his face shines- I touch my own face standing there in the wheat and it feels like shiny, golden silk. It's tingling and warm and I feel like a burst of fireworks!!!!

( I continue in prayer…. )Thank-you Jesus! Thank-you for this vision. Thank-you for loving me, and sharing with me and waiting patiently for the right timing. Thank-you for handpicking me, I want to be just like you Jesus. Help me to know just which ones you are hand picking so I can share in the watching, pulling, waiting and breathing with you!

Now, for those of you that know me, you probably know that I am struggling right now with feeling "beautiful". I am struggling with believing in myself…. or rather in the fact that I am worth anything….

God knows that about me too.

But the Lord never gives up on me. He never quits pursuing me. He never stops loving me and He never leaves me for my lack of faith or my failure to learn the lessons He keeps setting before me. Just like in my "vision" this morning, I am always so eager to go off and get excited about what God is doing for others… I have a hard time with feeling worthy of anything He wants to do for me.

But, I think the purpose of what the Lord showed me this morning was a beautiful reminder that even in the midst of millions of people, He is big enough to come into the middle and spend time on just one person and show them His love. This morning, that was me.

Tomorrow or maybe even tonight….. I think that person is YOU!