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Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Fat

Fat is one of the ugliest words in my vocabulary. I hate the word and I hate the way it looks on my body. I'm disgusted by fat now more than ever.

But there's more to "fat" than I ever thought. Did you know it's mentioned 95 times in the Bible?

I noticed today that there are quite a few occasions where the scriptures use the word fat in the same sentence as "around the inner parts" or "covers the inner parts".

It dawned on me this morning.... there's more to this phrase than "location on an animal". Fat is almost always used to cover up something else. Fat has a purpose. Fat comforts, and fat protects... and mostly fat COVERs.

God doesn't find fat disgusting or ugly.. and he doesn't hate it the way I do.

Leviticus 3: 16 "All the fat is the Lord's"

Over and over again in the old testament, it can be found that "the aroma of the offering of fat is pleasing to the Lord". (paraphrase Lev. 17:6)

So... can I apply this to my own life? No, I am not going to go literal on you all here and suggest that it's time to cut the fat and burn it for the Lord... don't worry. Actually, what I am doing is much more difficult and an even greater sacrifice on my part.

It's time to offer my "inner most coverings" to the Lord spiritually. It's time to remove my emotional fat and let Him burn it to his pleasure. I can not hold onto it and keep it for myself.

My "inner parts" are painful to look at. But, I trust that my Savior will be the one to cover me when I need covering... He will rejoice at my offering and be pleased. And I can be pleased to look at me too. I can then see what he see's.. a great and pleasing offering. A sacrifice that is worth more than money. He knows that my "fat coverings" are there for a reason, and He knows that I went through much and therefore needed much coverings... and He will rejoice to see that I have finally granted him permission to be my only covering. My inner parts are wholly His. I offer my fat to Him, and rejoice in no longer needing it.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Stones underfoot...



I have always been a barefoot girl. I used to boast about how my feet could handle the hottest concrete or the roughest rocks. I still find myself driving away from home before I realize I don't have any shoes with me. My earliest actual memory is of burning my feet on the hot cracked blacktop in San Fransisco when I was only 1. My mother is the same as me, and tells tales of her attempts at going to school barefoot by painting a "flip flop" top onto her foot! My daughter is following in my footsteps (literally) and we have had to eat on the patio of many a restaurant after arriving and realizing she had no shoes!

Why am I telling you this? Well, I think I have an analogy, a story, a "parable" to tell you about this very thing.

There once as a girl who walked in Israel with Jesus. She would often watch him from afar walking with his disciples, and she heard many stories about him. She heard him preaching in the temple, and on the mountain... but could never find a way to be alone with him. One day, while walking alone on the hillside, she came upon this Jesus sitting patiently on a large rock. He was waiting for her! As she nears him, he gets up and begins to walk along the path.
His clothes are plain and worn, and his feet are bare. He walks through the small white stones on the path just like an ordinary person. She had imagined from the stories she heard, that he might float above the road or glide along like an angel... but was surprised to see him carefully hopping through the stones on the road, trying to balance himself lightly to avoid the sharpest rocks.
She catches up to him and he says,
"These rocks hurt a little don't they? They have sharp unpredictable points".
He picks one up and shows it to her and begins to describe the many uses for stones just as these.

"Rocks like these have been used to stone and punish. They've also been piled together as an altar. They've been heated in the fire to soothe sore muscles. Others have rolled down the hill and broken into smaller pieces, and still others have landed amongst the grassy field where an unsuspecting child might step on it unknowingly. Stones have been collected, and treasured, and skipped on lakes. Others are ground up and used to build buildings. They have so many purposes, so many uses, and can be viewed in many different ways."

He then cast the rock aside and pointed at her feet.
"You have stones beneath your feet, are you just going to walk and cringe at the pain they cause, or stop and pick them out of your skin and find out what kind they are?"


They then sit together on the hill and she looks down at her own dusty, dirty feet. She removes a small white stone from her heel so that she can walk with Jesus at a quicker and easier, more confident pace.

Then she asked him "Lord, what kind of stone did I have in my foot?"

And he answered,
"That particular stone in your heel was once a piece of a boulder that crashed down the mountainside. It was then picked up in the clutches of a bird and placed directly in your path years ago. When you walked upon it, it wedged itself deep inside.... and you ignored the pain it caused. You kept walking on it, and pushing it further and further inside. "

She then pulled the rock from her pocket where she had considered keeping it, and gave it to Jesus. He smiled and took the rock from her hand and said,
"Thank-you for trusting me with your rock. It was not your rock to carry and you have been bearing it for no reason. You are brave to give it to me, for only I can turn this rock into one that won't hurt others in the future. "



I too, have been walking on stones that hurt. I too, have ignored the pain and stuffed it down deep. I too, have often wondered if the "stones in my path" were supposed to toughen me up or make me stronger. And I too, have now begun to allow Jesus to take the stones from my feet. And I will trust him now to heal the wounds and scars that were left behind.

What kind of stones do you have underfoot?

Friday, March 7, 2008

How do You see?

I've put together a video of a song that has been continually instrumental in helping me learn to see ME the way God does instead of letting my self image be defined by things I've done or things that were done to me.
I hope it helps someone else out there too....

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Self Revelation

Lately I have been really looking deeper into how my eating habits effect who I am, how "who I am" effects my eating habits, and how my relationship with the Lord fits in with it all.

I had a really insightful quiettime this morning and was convicted by something about myself that I hadn't realized.

I know that this is the internet, and a public place, but I feel it's important for me to share what I've learned in order to help others who may be struggling with the same thing. These are some very intimate and personal revelations about myself... someone who I am really just getting to know.




For as long as I can remember I have always had a low self-esteem. I have always been critical of everything about myself and could never believe that anyone would really like me if they really knew me. Just as people would start to get close to me, I would start making ugly comments to myself, preparing myself for when they would see me for who I really was and leave me stranded. Somewhere along the way, I started to find a little bit of "comfort" in hating myself.
Hating myself and punishing myself (through food deprivation or throwing up or binging) was something I felt I deserved. It helped keep me locked inside, it provided a reason to hide, and it gave me an easy out to cry about when I would fail at my attempts. (i.e. messing up on my "diet" and eating junk).

My whole life has been spent in this cycle, and the actual reason and purpose for it wasn't because of my self esteem issues.... the Lord showed me this morning, it was actually because I took comfort in the feelings that self pity gave me. Self pity is nice... self pity protects me from getting hurt. (If I say it about myself, it doesn't hurt so much to hear someone else say it.)
Self pity was my way of thinking that I could punish myself... and my refusal to truly believe that someone (Jesus) had already taken that punishment upon himself.

All of this (behavior and beliefs) pushed me into a cave of lonliness that I would claim to be a miserable place.. but in all honesty... it was a place I took great care to build.
My lonliness was a comfortable, familiar place where I could crawl up and soak in the comfort of being alone. And pride lived there with me. I took pride in being alone. This lonley, prideful place was a place where I could control how much pain I felt.

But today... my heart has been opened... the Lord revealed to me that this place I've called home for so long is a filthy prison. I am sorry for believing that I could control who gets to love me. I am sorry for using self pity and self hatred as a tool to nurse my wounds when I should have been simply looking to the cross. I am sorry for taking pride in my lonliness and encouraging the cycle of sin that raged beneath the surface of my body. And with all this repentance... I feel a freedom and a "fresh air" in my soul that I am almost scared of. But it's a good fear... it's the fear one has as they embark on a journey into new territory... territory they only dared to dream about in the past.