No more pretending....

I recently over"heard" someone saying.. "It seems like we're going on as if nothing is wrong, Isn't something wrong here?"

And it truly reminded me of something from my childhood.

This whole situation, reminds me of dysfunction in my own family when I was growing up. For those of you who grew up in perfectly normal healthy families.. you probably won't understand this post.. but to the rest of you... I'm quite certain I'm not alone in this feeling.

I remember feeling like the person who I "overheard" when I was a child.

I remember wondering why no one was talking about the obvious problem we were having.. and I even remember wanting to scream it... "HEY.. Something is WRONG here.. why are you pretending like everything is fine??"... but.. there was a strong power in the "pretend" factor in my family... and I only screamed them out in my head. But, the silence was deafening...

I remember loving the person who was causing me pain, and loving the people who ignored it and looked away when I needed them the most. And I remember grasping for the strength that the "unity" of our "pretending" gave us. I knew somehow, that IF I did get up and shout "This is wrong!!" that it would divide us... and perhaps hurt even more. So, I pretended... and hid... and wasted YEARS of my life shutting out the truth of who I was in order to protect the power of the pretend story.

I recognize that this is happening right now, and that there are lots of ADULTS who are getting stuck in the "pretend this isn't happening" mode. Even the one who is causing the pain is pretending there's nothing wrong.

I am here to tell you all, that when you get glared at for asking questions, and hushed for wondering things.... it's because it goes against the whole "pretend this problem isn't here" syndrome. Please don't let this go on. Don't allow yourself to quiet your own instincts. Don't think that speaking your mind, or asking your questions will have to mean you've betrayed someone. The truth is, that by quieting your questions, and ignoring the "red flags" that go up in your heart... you are betraying yourself. We are all grown ups now... it's time to stand up and stop being afraid. Time to stop being afraid of believing in OURSELVES. Time to stop being afraid of rocking the boat... time to stop pretending that something just doesn't feel right about this whole situation. And time, once and for all... to be responsible in a position so similar to the ones that remind us of our childhood... and be the adult who says "That's enough".

I know I wished that someone in my family would have stood up and said that when I was a child. I couldn't do it then... for I was young. But now, I am all grown up... and I won't force others to wonder why I wasn't "making it stop".

And I can stand up and say "This isn't right", and still love and be willing to help at the same time. Whether or not my "family" chooses to accept that love and help is up to them... but it doesn't change the fact that I do love them, just as my Father in heaven does.

By not pretending, you are saying that you are going to betray the secret... but that doesn't mean you are betraying the people involved. Imagine this was like when I was a child. If you had been able to prevent me from getting hurt just by speaking up and telling my family that what you had seen wasn't right? Would you have? Would that mean you were betraying the person that was hurting me? OR would it just mean that you were shining a light in the darkness? Perhaps the person that was hurting me was so deep in the dark that he didn't even know it was wrong anymore!

Just think about it okay? I know it's a different situation.. but the underlying patterns are exactly the same whether you recongize it yet or not.

I am not pretending anymore that nothing is wrong. What about you?