Locked

come closer to the light
Originally uploaded by denesiachristine

This morning as I sat quietly with the Lord, I became aware of the fact that I still really struggle with being loved. I'm eager to give love to those I pick and choose to love, but receiving it is usually something I quickly respond "I love you too" and then my heart says "let's move on..."

This past summer the Lord has really been showing me that in order to really show and give love (His greatest command)... I must first receive it. How can I give something away that I don't truly have enough of myself???

Proverbs 27:19
Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart

And I saw my heart... locked up behind a gate. My gate wasn't exactly like the one pictured, because I could peak through the lock as people pass by... but this picture captures a very important part of the truth about my heart behind the gate. Jesus was sitting right outside my gate... (the LIGHT)... and he had a keyring full of all the keys I had given Him to use for opening and closing my gate to get to my heart. He showed me that I had a lock that randomly changed which made it take longer for Him to open the gate for me. Here I was thinking I had given Him all the keys so He was in charge of my heart... but the truth is... I had a trick lock installed so that I could still be in charge of my heart.
Sometimes the music key would be successful at reaching me, sometimes the journaling key... sometimes the psychology key... and sometimes the artistic images key would work. But the more I change the lock, the longer it takes for Him to figure out which one will work today.
I pictured Jesus sitting outside of my gate, fumbling with the key ring and saw that he must have just found out that the journaling key was working today... and I came out from behind my gate to be with Him. And then He said,

"Coming out gives you the chance to feel my love and "get your fill". But you still have the opportunity to run back behind the gate and stop feeling. What you don't know is that I can love you even better from the inside.

What would being loved on the INSIDE of the gate be like???
I picture the view inside the gate flooded with His light... There is freedom INSIDE the gate... and the purpose for the gate is not for protecting my heart anymore... Jesus does that... the purpose of the gate is to hang an sign that says

"Look here~ This is love in action! This is God's handiwork- His chosen bride! Most beautiful and precious.. come and see what His creation looks like in the full care of the perfect lover!"

That's what I want.. more than anything...
if Jesus is INSIDE the gates with my heart.... then my face will mirror HIM!!!